so much for optimism

You know, sometimes my optimism just makes me sick!!

I had a long work day, productive but vaguely stressful. I didn't do my upperbody workout, and I almost didn't ride home. I left work about an hour late, and thought, 'I think I have a good excuse to take the train home'.

So I go to the train stop about two blocks away from work and wait. It's 5:27, the train is supposed to be there at 5:27, there's no train in sight. So I take this as a message from providence and start biking home. Maybe I'll just catch the train from Rose Quarter, yeah. So, I do better on the ramp than I have, but I still don't make it up in one fell swoop, and I'm almost hit twice while I'm in the bike lane. I think about the fact that I'm 41, way overweight, and swearing like a sailor at cars -- doesn't look good, does it?

So, I stop (again) at the train stop. There are about 7 gazillion people waiting there, perhaps a 1/4 of them with bicycles. Anyways, for some reason, there are crossing guards at this train stop, so I ask how late the train is (it's now 5:57). Oh, the crossing guard doesn't know, but he'd like to chat about the bike, and gosh, I need to get that seat raised tout suite cuz that just can't be comfortable. Another crossing guard admits that it's been well over 45 minutes since the last train, but I could take the #1, and, oh—there it is, it's driving by. Then, we hear that there's some hold up and the train will be another couple minutes.

Another call from providence saying, VJ, get your lazy butt in gear. So I start riding home. First, uphill through the crowds going to the circus, and past the one sad, pathetic guy who's protesting, sorta, with a handwritten cardboard sign. Then finally into the neighborhood, and up the multitude of little pathetic hills. I'm not sure when I made it home. I ate, watched a TiVOed Daily Show and now I need to shower.

It's getting better. I have to hold onto that hope. I just wish it was getting better faster. I wish I had more stamina, more power. All things in time, I suppose.